Wonder Woman: Still hot for a 69 year old, but gone are the iconic spangly pants and red boots

June 2010. For what will it be remembered? England’s embarrassing World Cup campaign, which left lots of folk wondering if the Three Lions ought to be replaced by a trio of cuddly house cats? The cut, cut, cut of the new UK government’s slasher-style debut budget? A sunny Glastonbury Festival?

Before you decide on the month’s most memorable story, check out this “Boobs in the News” roundup. Heavyweight news? No. Amusing water-cooler fodder? Yes!

  • Megan Fox — the 24 year old, beautiful Hollywood starlet — stunned onlookers at the Los Angeles premiere for Jonah Hex. Her newly skinny frame was accessorised by a mask-like face, trout pout lips and stuck-on boobs, suggesting that the young actress has had quite a bit of surgery. Why oh why? Natural beauty, youth, sexiness: the only thing lacking must be self-esteem.
  • Cougars are out of control. In April, I reported that they were keeping the saucy lingerie market afloat. Now, I find that they’re also fuelling a boom in cosmetic surgery. Over 45s are throwing their cash at surgical procedures to keep looking glam — and maintain their relationships with younger guys. Tummy, boobs, bum and face are the main targets.
  • The Undie Awards proclaimed their winners for 2010. Categories included bras, panties, shapewear and men’s underwear. Functionality and comfort seemed to be winning traits, rather than fashion and sexiness.
  • Orlando Bloom broke a few hearts by announcing his engagement to Victoria’s Secret model, Miranda Kerr, whose modest bust and elfin features are refreshingly different for a lingerie model. Shame Victoria’s Secret seems to have airbrushed her bustline to enhance her curves for their campaign. Pointless.
  • “Lady” Ga Ga’s attention-seeking antics looked desperate when she went to a baseball game wearing a studded bra and knickers. I’m all for the underwear as outerwear trend, but this seems a little OTT for a chilled afternoon watching sport. The eye-catching outfit was teamed with some bratty behaviour and a snog with a girl.
  • Mother & Baby magazine’s deputy editor, Kathryn Blundell, caused a storm when she wrote a feature defending her decision not to breastfeed because it would diminish her sexuality. She revealed that her breasts were her “fun bags” and she found it distasteful to think of stocking her nipples in a baby’s mouth. Brave woman for opening the debate? Or mad?
  • Trinny Woodall — part of the What Not to Wear duo that famously crusaded for women to wear good, well-fitting bras — got papped going braless under a sheer chiffon dress. Revealing a lot more nipple than the arbiter of good taste would advise her makeover subjects, Trinny showed that even small busted women need a bra to protect their modesty.
  • The 69 year old crime fighter and feminist superhero, Wonder Woman, is famous for her hourglass shape, star studded pants and scarlet corset. But, to celebrate the 600th edition of the Wonder Woman comic, she’s had a makeover. She’s still buxom, but her new toned-down style includes leggings and some rather sensible navy shoes.


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The hourglass shape is the optimum for attracting ape like males... or did I miss the point of The Guardian's story?

It’s time for my round-up of the media stories that focused on breasts, lingerie and the female body during the month of May.

May was the month in which the British Summer kicked in — at least for a few days — leading to the inevitable plethora of tabloid features in which bikini clad girls are photographed and the text may as well read: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet…

Beach babes aside, the most striking USP of the female anatomy seems to have captivated the imaginations of survey-makers, scientists and journalists — and there was no shortage of features gratuitously hooked on boob-related issues.

While yesterday’s boob stories are today’s fish & chip wrappers (in the UK anyway), just a few of them deserve to last a little longer — and be debated by the wise readers of SBBH…

  • A feature in the Daily Mail urged us to see the bright side of our “ugly bits”. While I beg to differ that the features mentioned were “ugly”, it is interesting that a big nose supposedly makes you less prone to hayfever and a large bottom means a slimmer chance of getting diabetes. And small breasts? The benefits include less back pain and more sensitivity. Wahey!
  • The Mirror published a hard-hitting expose on the lives of KK-cup women. British boobs, they say, keep inflating, partly due to the rise in boob jobs, 8,537 of which were performed in the UK in 2009. A KK-cup bra wearer gives the skinny on her plight — including back and neck pain and difficulty finding lingerie to fit that isn’t in the “granny bra” genre. I might be the other end of the scale, but I hear you.
  • The Guardian tackles the question of why humans are the only primate whose females have permanent breasts. The feature refers to the sex appeal of plump breasts that’s unique to humans. An hourglass figure plus youthfulness, it says, historically attracted males looking for mating opportunity. I asked readers of the SBBH Facebook page whether full breasts are necessary to “exploit ancient male programming” and attract a mate. One reader, amusingly, answered: “Only if you want an ancient male…”
  • The Sun delighted in the news that British boobs are the biggest in the world. The front cover flash “Best Boobs on the Planet” took the predictable line that Big = Best. Mmm, not sure I agree with that — what do you reckon? The survey also revealed that British women are also getting taller and heavier on average.
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