They can’t string us along anymore, Cosmopolitan has confirmed what we’ve long suspected: thongs, G-strings, cheese wires — whatever you call them — are OUT! Unless you want to be banished into a fashion wilderness along with them, it’s time to root around in your undies draw, pluck out the offending garments and discreetly deposit them in your trash.
If only all bottoms had looked this way when wearing a G-string
Done it? Right, now you can relax and ponder how such an incredibly unattractive knicker style could have clung to social acceptability for so long. The thong sauntered onto the scene sometime in the 80’s thanks to Jane Fonda encouraging us to feel the burn in all sorts of hideous Lycra leotards, some featuring the thong-style derriere. In the summer of ‘95, it became a firm feature in lingerie lines, promising an end to the heinous problem of VPL. Victoria’s Secret had its first runway show and its fabulous flossers included the likes of Heidi Klum.
As it hit the mainstream, the thong soon came to be sandwiched between rather less pert cheeks and eventually ended up on women-of-a-certain-age. Yet, it endured. Even surviving a serious case of over-exposure when the low cut jean trend took hold.
So, as the thong enters its third decade of existence (in fashion terms, a ripe old age), what has finally switched off its life support machine? Enter the NVPL: briefs or boy shorts with no visible pantie line, made from gossamer-thin fabric, cut with a laser to give the edge a smooth, seamless finish. The uncomfortable, wedgie inducing thong simply has no retort.
G-string, we admire you tenacity, you deserve a lifetime achievement award. But we’re happy to pull the plug and say our final goodbyes. Bleeeeeeeeeeeep!
