Loving clothes as I do, you’d think I’d love London Fashion Week. But I don’t — in fact, I hate the silliness of the fashion world, a planet so far removed from reality and so drenched in ego. Who’s on the front row, which bitch fest is kicking off among celebrities and fashion editors, who’s got fat, who’s got thin, what was that she was wearing??? And now… did you see her boobs, they were so dated?
You see, the fashion pack has declared that big breasts are à la mode. Incidentally, this comes about three weeks after the New York Times said exactly the opposite. Confusing isn’t it, figuring out whether your lady lumps are the height of fashion?
The curvy revolution began when Christina Hendricks captivated the world with her ample bosom and pin-up body. The star of Mad Men has become a paparazzi favourite and the poster girl of ”real women” (ah-hem, what do you mean? I’m real and my “curves” have a barely-there vibe about them).
Marching onward, the trend for big boobs got a boost when, back in the Spring, Prada’s catwalk show in Milan saw plenty of boing action. Voluptuous models revived the comely, sixties-style look that Hendricks has popularised.
In the last few days, London Fashion Week, which was showcasing collections for Spring/Summer 2011, has also flown the flag for the abundantly-chested, with bouncy Kelly Brook and Abbey Clancy modelling at Giles Deacon’s show.
Dammit, I’d best sit this season out then.
While I find it laughable that body shapes can be “in” or “out”, I am reassured that even if my breasts are not de rigueur, at least I will never be so dim as to believe all this claptrap, or worse, select implants on a seasonal basis depending on what’s hot.
I also take heart that fashion law-makers and their most devout followers don’t represent most people. Those of us with half a grain of common sense don’t really believe that breast shape is something that should be decreed in vogue, or worse, a fashion faux pas.
Let’s bring this right down to earth with a simple acid test: what do fellas think? Edward Keenan at Eyeweekly rubbishes the idea with great wit and refreshing honesty:
“Speaking on behalf of my gender, allow me to compile a partial list of the types of breasts we think are this season’s — and every season’s — big thing: large breasts, really large breasts, small breasts, very small breasts, medium-sized breasts, pert breasts, saggy breasts, breasts with small areolas and big nipples, with large areolas and small nipples, with bumpy areolas and inverted nipples… in the interests of space, we can sum up the general category of breasts men like with a word: breasts.”
Note: This is a taste of the sort of story I cover in my “Boobs in the News” bulletins. An exclusive bulletin will be sent to my newsletter subscribers shortly, along with a chance to win something rather nice. Subscribe to my newsletter now to get this special delivery in your inbox.